I’m watching this show and one of the main characters is struggling with trying to conceive. It follows her journey of figuring out she has few eggs left, dealing with that, going through fertility drugs, IVF, egg retrieval, sperm donors, etc. I know it’s a TV show but I just think about all of the real women that are dealing with this on a day to day basis. Ironically I forgot for a second that I was dealing with the same thing, maybe not to the same extent, but I’m dealing with the same thing. Watching this story line has been HARD but it’s also been educational, touching, and very informative. I’ve also realized how much I have grown as a person since starting this blog. I’m not going to lie, there are still days that it hurts, there are days that I’m sad, there are days that I cry… I don’t think that’s something that’s ever going to go away, even when I have children because I’m still going to think about all of the men and women that deal with it.
In the show there is another character that was able to get pregnant but early on found our that her baby wouldn’t survive, and if it did it would have a very diminished quality of life as the baby had no brain. Yes, the baby developed inside her for 9 months with NO BRAIN. The show follows both characters as the first character was eventually able to adopt and the other character resented her for it. I loved it for the simple fact that it showed how REAL that is. Of course they eventually reconciled and were able to be there for each other. It’s also ironic because I’m currently dealing with that in my real life.
Even though I’ve come A LONG way physically and emotionally I still have a ways to go. I’m still not there yet, even though I don’t know where there is. Even though I have come a long way it still hurts. Every pregnancy announcement, every newborn baby, it hurts. J recently found out that another friend, well 2 friends are pregnant. Of course I’m happy for them, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Knowing their struggles doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I reached a point recently where I was a little resentful of others and their little blessings and I don’t want to be that person. So I’ve been working on trying to be better, to not be the person that resents others for something that I want but don’t have.
I’m not a mother NOW, but that doesn’t make me any less of a woman or a wife or a sister.
I’m not a mother NOW, but I WILL be.
I’m not a mother NOW, but that will change.
During the process of trying to conceive it’s so important to take care of yourself mentally and physically. Your emotional wellbeing is just as important and it can be HARD. It’s ok to be sad, to be angry, to hurt, to resent…. Just remember that is temporary. There are so many ways to become a mother and a family. Just keep the faith! 🙂
XOXO
The Holden’s
Holden on to Hope 