infertility, marriage, PCOS, reproductive endocrinologist, trying to conceive

Thinking out loud… Well sort of!

I was just thinking about life and how amazing it’s been so far. Sure there have been a few bumps in the road but they’re help shape me into the woman I am. I’m sure it seems like I complain a lot (because I do), about how angry, frustrated and depressed I have been about our infertility. I along with thousands of other women deal with this stuff daily and everyone handles it differently. Yeah I’m upset and I wish that things were easier but at the same time this is our path, God Placed us on this path and we are going to see it through to the end. I am so grateful of the things that I have learned so far not only about myself but about my husband, our relationship, and our future. There was a story/article that was shared with Will and I written by a woman last year who was going through this same journey. She also blogged about her infertility journey. The post I read was titled, ”Why God took so long to give me a baby.”
Click Here to Read the Post, “Why God Took So Long to give me a baby.”

It was so adorable and touching and definitely hit close to home!! Will and I have been talking a lot over the past few days about feelings, processing and how we are going to continue this journey emotionally. I think that I get so lost in myself sometimes and my frustration with my body I forget that this is also happening to Will. He is also dealing with the infertility, the sadness, and the frustration. Even though this journey hasn’t been easy I think that the thing that I’m most thankful for is the deeper connection that Will and I have formed. It’s brought us closer together which I LOVE. I feel like it’s brought us to a whole new level of togetherness.

I have fallen in love with Will all over again!

Ever person, every couple, every family deals with this the best way that the can. I had a conversation with a new friend that I have made recently and she was telling me to give myself a break, to be gently to myself, and to be kind to myself. Maybe that doesn’t come across in my blogs, not quite sure. But it did make me think, am I being to hard on myself?

Am I not giving myself enough credit for the progress that has been made so far?

I know that Will and I have made amazing progress with this journey. I have learned more in the past 3 – 4 months than I have in the little over 2 years that we have been trying to conceive. That’s a great victory!! We have an amazing doctor that goes above and beyond to let us know that he’s here for us, he’s going to help us, and we are going to be parents. What more could you ask for? So I’m so happy with the progress that we have made. But I’m also allowed to be sad, angry, frustrated or whatever else I want to be while we are dealing with this. Will is allowed to be sad, cry, be mad, or feel whatever he has to feel to deal with this. There is NOTHING wrong with that. We know that we are having a temporary setback and that things are going to get better and that we are going to get pregnant. We are going through the process, we are going through the motions and we can do it however we see fit because this is OUR journey.

One night I was sad and trying to find ways to cope with what we have been dealing with so I googled ways to cope/deal and outlets that can be used. That’s how I stumbled across blogging. Part of wanting to blog about it was to just get it out there because we were so tired and annoyed with people asking us why we didn’t have kids, when we were going to have kids, or if we even wanted kids at all. It’s so funny that people want to be all up in your business and ask you personal questions like that but for some when you tell them why you don’t have kids they get uncomfortable and feel bad. The other reason that I wanted to blog about this is because Will and I know first had how hard it is to deal with people asking your question after question about when you’re going to have children. It just makes you feel sad or irritated when someone asks how long we have been married, then we tell them and they’re life oh wow and you don’t have kids yet?! That’s rude and it’s mean. We have given MANY people the benefit of the doubt because they have no idea, but it’s something that you should think about the next time you ask a couple when they’re going to have children. We wanted to share with other couples and inspire them. We wanted to let them know that we are with them, our relationship isn’t perfect and we also struggle! Standing by each other and helping each other through this is the best thing that you can do.

Will and I are happy. Will and I are going to be ok because we have each other, and we have our AMAZING friends and family to lean on when we hit the hard days. We know that God has some very special things in store for us, we just have to get through this phase.


We are going to be fine! Because we have each other. And we are ok with that!


The Holden’s 🙂


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